When I wrote this- It was a few days into Quarantine Life. Now, I’m almost three weeks in and no real foreseeable end in sight. But here are some of my thoughts from the first few days.
I’ve been on quarantine since Tuesday. Under normal circumstances, I would relish the thought of never having to leave my house, but now each time I walk out of my door for an essential item like disinfectant wipes (which hallelujah I finally got) I’m afraid. Afraid of something I can’t see.
Yesterday, I woke up in an absolute state of anxiety. I just wanted to hug my 70 year old father and 68 year old mother, but I can’t. They of course don’t get it, but I do. It’s not about what I need- it’s what they need. I called them and they of course were like- come on and I said I couldn’t. They calmed me down and reminded me of what I need to do when I get in these states of extreme anxiety.
It also broke my heart that my sister and nieces came over to the porch, with our social distances, and I couldn’t hug either of them. I couldn’t cuddle any of them. When they were about to leave, my niece wanted to hug me and stay here with me, but I couldn’t. She was visibly upset and that broke my heart.
I think fear is a natural response to the world as we know it. I think that humanness is a body that we can never shed. I think we have to be comfortable with fear, but not in a way that it controls us. The world may be in chaos and fear may be driving our panic buying, but ultimately He can quell our fear. We can sit in it, we can pray through it (which I am not so much good at doing), we can worship through it, but it will always be lurking. In this time, we have to be ever vigilant to be in the Word- to be a model of who Christ wants us to be.
In our fear, there can be joy too and there can be connection even from afar. As a single person, it’s me who is responsible for taking care of me. I have asthma, mild asthma- so that makes me immunocompromised. I had to switch medication last week for my daily management of it. It can take up to two weeks for it to be in your system to be effective. It has made me hyper paranoid because asthma causes coughing and I’ve been extra reliant on my rescue inhaler these last few days because along with this virus going around- spring has begun and my allergies are coming out as they normally do at this time.
So, I made a space outside- cleaned off my patio and planted some plants- this will be my new office the next few weeks as I do read alouds virtually and support my teachers and students digitally. Right now the breeze is blowing and I’m good. My phone is down for the day except for communication- no news, no social media- to clear out and make space. To worship in my own way.
I’ve never been more grateful for the pockets of joy that I get to see everyday. Yesterday was full of them and ended with a call from one of my spiritual mentors who is also single- we talked about a virtual prayer session and we prayed together over the phone. Today, I’m grateful for everyone who is the same boat as me- as a single, I’m grateful for my tribe even though I can’t hug their necks.
There I think I said it all and cleared the decks for the day.
Coffee and Crowns: A Collaborative 